November 18, 2020

I hate lying and I hate liars.
But lying is a learned habit.
You know who doesn’t know how to lie?

Kids.

In fact, kids can be brutally honest and most of the time have comments that a lot of adults wouldn’t dare say.

That’s because they don’t know the concept of “adjusting what they say to please others or avoid other people’s feelings getting offended.”

I know moms here would agree with that!

Think about it, what was the most recent comment or question that your youngster said in public that made you feel a bit embarrassed?

Did you get tempted to tell your kid, 

“Don’t say that, that’s bad.”?

For example:
When a child asks “Mom, why is that person fat?”, loudly some adults may react negatively.

You may be tempted to say:

frown “SHHHH that person might hear you.”

frown ”Don’t say that, that’s bad.”

frown ”That’s not a good thing to say, you should not say that and say sorry.”

Although in reality, the nature of that statement is neutral – it is not bad.

  1. an objective (observatory) fact.
  2. a natural curiosity and desire to understand why.

When we react this way and “stop” your child from expressing like this  without making him/her understand in full context what you are actually interested to teach which is most likely being respectful and being caring in their words, you may be unintentionally discouraging your child from expressing his/her truth so that they will not offend people, or so that they wouldn’t be punished. 

Pay really close attention to your child’s communication.

When your child starts to express himself/herself, your feedback will be teaching your child which expression (in actions and words) is welcome and which isn’t.
If and when they start lying, don’t punish them blindly and blame your child.

Play close attention to the example you are setting!

undecided Do you, yourself have a habit of lying that you didn’t even know about?
undecided Do you give promises and not keep them?
undecided Do you say things that are not consistent with your actions?
undecided Are you teaching them that it’s okay to not speak your truth?

When you’re confident that you’re a good example…

Ask yourself instead, what environment have I created that made my child feel that lying was a better option than speaking the truth?

Own up and say sorry.

Yes, your kid lies, and I’m suggesting that YOU say sorry first.

“I’m sorry that you didn’t feel safe enough to say the truth.”

You see.

I’ve always hated lying. and I hate people who are good at lying.

In reality, I’ve lied a multiple times because I felt scared and that it was unsafe for me to speak my truth.

I was either “trying to protect their feelings” with a white lie.

Or I was avoiding punishment, or I wasn’t secure enough in myself that I feared rejection or blame so I chose to lie rather than tell the truth.

It has been a very long journey for me to purge lying in my system.

To unlearn the habit of lying.

And it’s one of my favorite things about me now.

I now speak my truth, unapologetically.
And when I do, my inner child celebrates happily with me.

So rather than having the future generation “heal” their own pains about truth and lying, why don’t we just try and prevent them from learning the habit of lying to begin with?

Who’s with me?

Wishing everyone a happy truthful day! kiss

 

x Sarah S.

*photos credit to the owners

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